If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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