I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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