I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
