apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
