The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
