I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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