I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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