Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
