you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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