And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Congratulations! We have a period
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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