he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
