some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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