I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
