I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have post one night stand depression
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
