u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
should my penis look like a turkey
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
