Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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