I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
