have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
