I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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