You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
do nipples grow back?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
