We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
