I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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