god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love black thongs
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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