can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
