dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
