just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
