maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
