So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just forgot I was standing up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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