8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
