the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
