i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
