So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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