Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Your dad touched me again.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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