Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
