Whatcha textin bout Willis?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
