The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
