Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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