I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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