my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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