Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How does one acquire holy water?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
