I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
