Midget sex pt 2 tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize