How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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