He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize