Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
