So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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