so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
