So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
