someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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