i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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