a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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