Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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