he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
