I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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