I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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