i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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