i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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