I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
