i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
