cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The air was thick with penises
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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