My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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