Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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