So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
