I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
